


So Sing To Me

by WritinRedhead



Series: Rogue One Smut Collection [4]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, And Very Mindful Bodhi, And a whole ton of feelings, Background Wedge/Luke, Demi!Jyn, Demisexual Character, Established Relationship, Explicit Consent, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Jyn and Luke are bros, Porn With Plot, Relationship Anxities, Romance, figuring out feelings, it's important, romantic smut, so much consent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-04-30 04:51:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14489205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritinRedhead/pseuds/WritinRedhead
Summary: For the prompt:Bodhi/Jyn with demi!Jyn! She tries to initiate something after her realization that HOLY SHIT SHE WANTS HIM and Bodhi is his wonderful self, concerned about respecting her boundaries.Jyn is happy with her life. Really happy. She's got great friends, a boyfriend that loves her, and everything is going well.If it weren't for these troublesome feelings.





	So Sing To Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ANTchan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ANTchan/gifts).



> This is what happens when I tell myself: "Just a short prompt fill"... Hope you all enjoy these nearly 9k of rare pair smut, relationship anxieties, fluff and feelings! 
> 
> Thank you so much, [ rogueshadows](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rogueshadows), for betaing and keeping me sane throughout _that_ scene. You know which one. :P

_Will you lay me down?_

_Make our hearts the only sound_

_Throw my fears all to the ground_

_Will you hold me?_

 

* * *

 

“Anyone want the last slice of cheese and tomato?”

Luke peers into the nearly empty pizza box on the living room table. When Jyn, Bodhi, as well as Wedge, all shake their heads, he flops back down onto the couch. He nudges Bodhi, sitting right in front of him, with his foot.

“Well, just means one of you is getting pizza for breakfast.”

Jyn looks up from where she’s made herself comfortable on Bodhi’s lap.

“I’m not complaining about that, I still remember the time Bodhi set fire to the microwave, trying to make toast.”

“I was _tired_ ,” Bodhi defends himself.

“It’s _toast_ . It belongs into a _toaster_ . What happened to your engineering degree, huh? _Hey!_ ”

An indignant squak escapes her, when Bodhi pokes her in the side, making her squirm.

“You’re in no position to judge, Ms _I-didn’t mean-to-burn-your-birthday-cake_.”

Jyn pouts. “You ate it anyway. With the frosting on it didn’t look _that_ bad.”

Bodhi chuckles. “It looked awful and you know it. But it still tasted good.” He presses a quick kiss to her cheek to soothe the grumbling, then places his chin on top of her head, his arms crossed over her stomach simultaneously preventing any possible revenge acts. He points at the screen with the action flick still on. “Now watch, this is the best part.”  

“Yeah, yeah, I know you’re low-key in love with Hawkeye.”

“Shut up.”

Jyn grins. She always enjoys their movie nights, a perfect contrast to the hectic life between working on a thesis, part-time job, and life’s general rush. The three of them - Bodhi, Luke, and herself - had started the tradition pretty soon after renting a small apartment together and they kept it up even after Luke had moved out to live with Wedge.

She can feel Bodhi’s laugh against her back when some slapstick comedy happens on screen and she leans back further, pressing closely against Bodhi’s chest, and smiles.  A lazy Wednesday evening, some pizza, friends and boyfriend around her, that’s all she needs. It’s the perfect evening.

Later into the night, when the credits begin to play, Wedge stands up, popping his back with a yawn. He looks up at the clock on the living room wall.

“Damn, I completely forgot the time. We should get a move on.” After stretching himself once more, he extends his hand to Luke, still splayed on the couch. “Come on, we better move you to your own bed, before you fall asleep here and whine about your back tomorrow.”

“I don’t _whine_ ,” Luke immediately protest, apparently more awake than it looked like. “Occasionally complain maybe,” he admits when all three of his friends start laughing. Instead of using the hand to get up, Luke pulls Wedge down to him. “If I get up, what’s in it for me?”  

Deciding to play along, Wedge winks. He lowers his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “If you get up, maybe I’ll let you into _my_ bed.”

“So tempting. Guess that's worth getting up for.” Luke quickly presses his lips to Wedge’s before letting himself get dragged off the couch by his boyfriend. “G’night, you two, see you tomorrow. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t,” he adds with a wink as he grabs his jacket from one of the kitchen chairs.

He quickly retreats to join Wedge at the apartment door, before the couch cushion in Jyn’s hands can fly toward his head. Luke’s laugh echoes in the hallway, before the door clicks shut after them.

“Idiot.” Jyn grins. “But it’s nice seeing them happy together,” she says after the footsteps outside in the hallway have faded. She puts the cushion back, looking over into the living room, adjacent to the kitchenette. The crumbs and empty boxes will have to wait until tomorrow. “I can’t even be angry at him for bailing and leaving us with the rent.”  

“I don’t know, there’s a couple of advantage, too. I certainly won’t miss Luke’s dirty socks in the sink.” Bodhi steps up behind her and wraps his arms around her waist, leaning his head on Jyn’s shoulder. She feels the familiar scratch of his beard on her cheek. “And we got the apartment all for us.”  

Keeping his arms around her, Jyn turns and looks up into Bodhi’s face. There’s an about five inch height difference between them. Too bad she hates wearing heels, but she’s not going to start standing on tiptoes, either. Instead she reaches up and puts her arms around Bodhi’s neck, gently pulling him down.

“Very true,” she says, smiling when when Bodhi tilts his head for a short kiss. Just letting their lips touch for a casual, yet intimate moment. Saying, _it’s been a long day, welcome home._

Bodhi sighs when he pulls back, although still keeping close enough to let their foreheads touch. “I gotta leave early tomorrow,” he mumbles against Jyn’s lips.

She curls her fingers into his shirt, holding him close. “What time?”

“Îmwe wants to talk to me before his lecture starts, so I’ll probably be gone before you even get up.”

“Hm.” At his words, Jyn pulls a face. She hates waking up alone, she’s had enough of that in her life. Her pout makes Bodhi laugh and he nuzzles his face into her neck.  

“You’ll be fine. Just _listen_ to your alarm clock for once instead of torturing the snooze button.”

Bodhi’s hand are warm at her side, comfortable and so very familiar. She leans into his touch, reveling in the feeling. “I _can_ get up. I just like you waking me more.”

Even since before they’d been a couple, she’d prefered her best friend waking her. The way Bodhi would slowly pull back the blanket from over her head and brush away the wayward hair in her face, mussed from the night. Thinking back, she’s probably already been in love with him then.

Kissing him again, Jyn presses closer to his chest, chasing the touch as well as the soft press against her lips, noticing a pleasant tingling starting in her stomach and spreading through her limbs.

“Maybe I’ll wake you…” Bodhi kisses her once more, just a short peck on the lips, then suddenly his hands are gone, and Jyn immediately misses their warmth, wishing he’d held her longer. He winks. “ _If_ get to use the bathroom first.”

And with that he vanishes around the corner, leaving Jyn with a needy, tingling feeling in her stomach. It’s not the first time something like this has happened, the feeling recurring several times over the last few months.

Maybe it’s just stress, her body protesting at the extra hours spent on her current research project. Yeah, that must be it.

A small part of her whispers it’s something else entirely, but she doesn’t listen. Doesn’t want to. It’s unlikely, after all. She just needs some rest.

Shaking her head, Jyn moves over to their bedroom to change into her shorts and t-shirt for the night. Maybe that’ll take her mind off it.

It doesn’t. The feeling is still there even after she’s brushed her teeth, lying curled up in bed with the blanket pulled over her ears and her head resting on her arm. Beside her, Bodhi is breathing softly, already asleep on his side of the bed.

Trying not to wake him, Jyn carefully inches closer so her back touches his. The slow rhythm of his breaths is calming, and even though it doesn’t put her mind at ease entirely, it helps to let sleep take over her.

***

Unable to forget it, she’s still wracking her mind over the feeling come Thursday morning, even while she’s busy scribbling down notes during lectures, and it continues haunting her until the afternoon shift at _Rogue’s Café & Bar _. She just can’t let go of it while she doesn’t know the answer to it yet.

Chaining her bike to the lamppost outside the café, she tries to sort her thoughts, owning up to the lingering suspicion she’d brushed aside yesterday.

She’s always suspected it was a vague possibility, that she might feel different about sex someday. But, she’s also never imagined she’d ever get far enough into a relationship to really _want_ something more with someone else. The concept feels foreign to her, yet also… exciting, in a way.

While her heart screams to talk to Bodhi about it, to ask him, but her mind isn’t sure how to broach the topic or _what_ to broach, even. Especially when they’ve already outlined their relationship and it’s proven to work.

By the time Jyn deposits her bag in the employee’s room and ties the shop apron around her waist, Professor Îmwe has already settled into his regular place at the high bar. He sits casually leaned over the counter, shamelessly flirting with the proprietor, a middle-aged man with a mess of hair that is barely tamed by a single hair tie. Not that there would have been a need for secrecy. After throwing a party for their twentieth anniversary, everyone on campus knew about the Îmwe-Malbus couple.

Without even taking his order, Jyn brings the professor his coffee. It’s always the same, anyway. A double-espresso, black, no sugar. When she sets the cup down in front of him, he looks right at her, a bright smile his face, even though he can’t see her.

“Thank you, Erso.” He winks. “Just what I was going to order.”

It's their usual conversation, and Jyn answers with her standard, “No problem, professor.”

The café is nearly empty today. Besides a scrawny looking undergrad, buried deep enough in his books he wouldn’t even notice fireworks going off next to him, there are no other customers, so Jyn goes back to wiping down the counter, drying off glasses and placing them back on the shelf behind her.

She’s been cleaning for about twenty minutes, when Îmwe pulls a magazine from his briefcase and places it on the counter, with the title turned toward his partner.

“You won’t believe what happened this morning,” he says, sounding amused by whatever story he’s going to tell in a moment.

Then Jyn glances at the magazine and promptly has to do a double take. Judging by the cover, it’s one of those cheap porn magazines from a gas station.

“I confiscated this from a student during my introductory class. His benchmate was dumb enough to comment a little too loudly on some of the contents. If they have to read “literature” that’s not course related, they could at least _try_ to do it secretly.”

“Today’s youth.” Malbus shakes his head with a rumbling laugh. “But I remember you weren’t any better at college.”

The professor makes an exasperated noise. “Please. At least I had _taste_. Although, there seems to be a nice article in it with ways to spice up the bedroom. Or at least that was the supposed reason of reading it.” A mischievous grin flickers over Îmwe’s face. “Want to try it?”

Malbus rolls his eyes with a huff. “When are you going to realize we’re too old for those kind of adventures? Besides, you’re all I need.”  

“Spoilsport.”

Jyn nearly smashes a glass when the figurative penny drops. Thanks to her over-sharing professor and boss. She catches the glass just before it hits the wooden counter and spills into a thousand pieces.

The words echo in her head. _‘You’re all I need.’_

Îmwe and Malbus have been together for as long as she’s known them. They lead a comfortable relationship, based on unwavering trust in the expanse of other’s feelings, a deep bond that knows no borders.

Jyn’s fingers tremble a little as she puts the glass back on the shelf, her head spinning.

Is that what she wants with Bodhi? From him? If so, then why does she feel so nervous at the idea. She thinks of Bodhi, of everything he already gives her, that they have together, and doubts he’d deny her anything. He would certainly never judge her.

But even if nothing comes of it, if she’s wrong or changes her mind, she feels like she has to sort this out. She loves him, so much, that’s certain. She just wishes it were easier to explain what she feels. To be certain of it without getting either of their hopes up or getting too caught up in her own head.

“Everything okay, Jyn?” Malbus looks at her, a concerned look in his eyes. The professor, too, has his head turned.

“Yeah, uh, my hand just slipped. Wet fingers,” Jyn lies quickly, even though her mind is still racing.

She pushes the thoughts away as best she can and just hopes that Bodhi won’t pick up on her nerves before she’s ready to talk.

***

After four incredibly long hours that felt more like forty, her shift was finally over. Jyn heads straight home afterward, glad when the apartment door clicks closed after her. The lack of red sneakers in the entrance indicates Bodhi isn’t home yet.

Toeing off her own shoes and dumping her bag on one of the kitchen chairs, she loses no time in getting out her cell phone and pulling up Luke’s contact. She doesn’t even wait for him to answer, just gets right down to it as soon as she knows he can hear her.

“Hey, how did you know you wanted Wedge? You know, _really_ wanted him. Like sex.” On the other end of the line, she can hear Luke spluttering. By now he should know better than to drink coffee when she’s calling. He’s probably on break or otherwise he wouldn’t have answered. “Oh please, we all know you two can't keep your hands off each other.”  

There is a bitten-off curse, before she can understand him clearly.  

 _“Dammit, Jyn, I'm still at work, can’t this wait?”_ Luke seems to have recovered from his coughing attack, but from the way his voice sounds lower, Jyn guesses he's put his hand over the receiver. _“Why are you even asking?”_ he whispers, his curiosity having gotten the better of him.

“Because I think—” she starts, but the sound of a key turning in the lock interrupts her. Since the only other person with a key to the apartment is currently talking to her on the phone, it must be Bodhi coming back home. Jyn bites her lip and swallows what she wanted to say. She doesn’t want Bodhi to know yet. Not when she’s not a hundred percent sure. “...You know what? Actually, it can wait. See you tomorrow, don't be late for physics with Kenobi!”

Then she hangs up the phone, effectively cutting off Luke’s, _“Wait, what? Jyn!”_

“Hey, had a good day?” Bodhi greets as he walks into the kitchen.

Jyn leans back in her chair, looking up at him. She sighs. “Well, it was definitely interesting. But, yeah, it was okay.”

Bodhi frowns a little, but he doesn’t follow up on it. Instead, he lifts, a see-through plastic bag with two containers.

“I brought Chinese, could that help make it better?”

Jyn smiles. “It's worth a try.”

Dinner is relaxed and with some Kung Pao, she listens to Bodhi babbling excitedly about his day. The experiment for his thesis seems to be going well, progressing even faster now that Wedge offered to help out in the engineering lab. Jyn’s own work is going well, too. She reckons I’ll take her one, maybe two more weeks to finish her project.

After dinner, they call it an early night and Jyn stretches out on the bed, snuggling up close once Bodhi joins. She can smell the faint scent of his shower gel, citron mixing with something that is undoubtedly Bodhi and never fails to put her at ease.

“Night,” she says, leaning her head against his chest.  

“G’night,” Bodhi mumbles, probably exhausted from his early day and already half asleep. It doesn’t take long until his breathing evens out and he falls asleep completely. Even though Jyn feels tiredness tugging at her, too, she can’t sleep. Her mind keeps coming back to what she’d wanted to ask Luke.

What does it feel like to _want_ someone? To be close to someone, physically, craving someone's touch, to feel warm skin on warm skin, going beyond a hug or kiss. What is it like to want to have _sex_?

Maybe like this.

In his sleep, Bodhi rolls over, settling in more comfortable and draping his arm over Jyn’s waist doing so. It feels nice, there’s a flutter in her stomach and a slight heat pooling between her legs. Jyn presses them closer together.

For years she thought sex, and all that it entails, wasn't the thing for her. She’s had sex, sure, experimenting in her teenage years, and touching herself didn’t feel bad either. But it also didn’t feel special in any way. She never felt the need for it, nor the infatuation everyone else seemed to share. She didn't even like kissing much until on Solo's New Years party, a very nervous and slightly tipsy Bodhi had confessed that she meant more to him than just his best friend.

After that nervous, fruit punch flavored first kiss it'd taken just three not-just-friends dates and they'd ended up a couple. She’d changed her opinion on kisses quite soon after. All of that was six months ago.

At first, she’d been a little nervous about entering a relationship. About expectations and norms, but Bodhi never once made her feel uncomfortable about it. As her best friend, he’s known about her sexuality from the start. He knew what he was getting into and always tried his best being mindful.

Luke had joked they’d already been pretty much dating, anyway, so why bother making a big deal out of it. Any they hadn’t. Luke was right, after all. Falling into a relationship had felt easy, like a natural progression of things. It felt _right_.

And it still does.

Maybe, Jyn wonders, this is just another progression? The thought hadn’t occurred to her before, but now, it seems to be a very real possibility.

Bodhi turns in his sleep again and Jyn scoots back up close, craving his touch while she’s wracking her mind coming to terms with the realization. She'd be okay with Bodhi touching her. She thinks, she might even enjoy it.

She’d give everything to know for sure.

***

It feels like she’s barely closed her eyes, let alone gotten any sleep, when she’s woken by a rough stubble and soft lips pressed to her neck.

Mumbling something unintelligible, Jyn turns to the other side, wiggling away from the scruffy affection of a not yet trimmed beard, and tries to hide under her pillow. It’s no use.

Bodhi ignores her mumbled protests that it’s too early, and too cold, and just _too damn early_ , and snatches the pillow from her hands, continuing to pester her by mercilessly peppering kisses to her neck, and cheek, and just about everywhere that isn’t protected the blanket. He only pauses for an amused threat.

“Are you gonna get up or do I have to kiss you for real?

Jyn groans. Sleep is still heavily weighing down on her and she only haphazardly tries to get her pillow back. Instead she reaches up and playfully pushes against Bodhi’s face when he gets too close to her mouth.

“Ugh, get away from me with your morning breath, Bo.”

Bodhi laughs, feigning an offended tone. “Hey, who’s got morning breath?”

Then his hands dig under her, wrapping themselves around Jyn’s waist as he pulls her toward him, and she knows she’s got less than five seconds to do something before he’ll start tickling her out of bed.

“You do,” Jyn says, the unspoken threat finally coaxing her out of the warm blanket cocoon. She rolls on top of him, effectively trapping Bodhi by placing her whole weight on his chest and tanglings her legs with his. She weaves her fingers into his messy bedhead, enjoying the little rumble that rises from his chest. “But I don’t mind.”

Jyn juts out her chin to catch his lips and Bodhi leans up to meet her halfway. His hands wrap around her in a comfortable hug, coming to rest low on her back, just above the hem of her T-shirt. His still sleep warm body feels nice under her, and Jyn slides up her leg along Bodhi’s, pressing her chest flush to his, trying to inch a little closer —

And she _stops_.

There, in the curve of her hip, she feels the straining bulge of his arousal in his sleep shorts, can feel him starting to get hard beneath her. Jyn sucks in a sharp breath, swallowing, then she bites her lip as a single thought courses through her, the realization hitting her hard.

_He wants her, too._

“Bodhi…” Jyn starts, not sure yet how to phrases what’s running through her head, but before she can say or do anything else, his eyes suddenly go wide and he curses.

“ _Shit_ , I'm sorry,” Bodhi says, looking guilty and quickly moving her off him, rolling out of bed.

Jyn wants to call after him, to say _something,_ but her mouth isn’t working and the last she sees of him, is Bodhi’s back disappearing in the adjacent bathroom as he flees into the shower.

With a sigh, she lets her head fall back onto the pillow.

“Fuck….”

Sex, love and romance… Why does the whole damn thing have to be so fucking complicated?

***

Jyn sits in the university’s cantina, brooding over an untouched tray with overcooked vegetables and rice, when a chair scraping over the floor makes her look up. Placing his own tray in front of him, Luke sits down opposite of Jyn. He props his head up on his elbows and cocks his head at her.

“Okay, out with it,” he says. “What's really going on, the call and all.”

“I, uh… “ She leans closer over table top, the undergrads one table over don't need to know about her complicated sex life. “I think… I think I want to sleep with Bodhi.”

“You want to sleep with your boyfriend, really?” Luke makes big eyes in a mock-surprised expression.

“ _Shh!_ Would you be quiet?! And don't laugh, you ass.” Jyn lightly slaps his arm, but she's grinning, too. “You know how that's new for me.”  

Indeed, he knows. After all, she’s grown up with Luke and his twin sister as her neighbors. Later in their lives, Luke went on to the same college - where they’d ultimately met Bodhi - and later to the same university than Jyn, while Leia went on to a school that was more specialized in social studies than natural sciences. Since Leia’s graduation last year, she's been travelling the country on diplomatic missions and was rarely home, but there were - and still are - no secrets between the three of them.

“I know. Although you weren't so concerned about confidentiality when you called me in the middle of my shift yesterday. ‘Sorry, boss, could you please listen the other way? I just need to talk about my sex life for a bit.”

“Luke…”

Jyn shoots him a _‘that's different’_ look. Maybe it isn’t, but she doesn’t want to get into semantics right now.

“Fine, fine.” He backs off with his hands raised in surrender, his expression shifting to a more serious one. “I'll try to keep it low. So, what's really bugging you?”

“Actually,” Jyn starts, “I’m pretty sure about it. It's just… you know Bodhi. He's sweet, like seriously sweet, he always tries so hard to respect my boundaries, so we never really went anywhere...”

In all the time since they’d moved from best friends to lovers, they never went further that making out. Jyn lets her head fall on the tabletop, hands crossed over her head as if that would somehow make things easier

“I feel like there's a ‘ _but’_ here _,_ ” Luke says, wariness in his voice. He knows her too well.

“But,” Jyn says, “I might have tried to start something this morning and… I might have spooked him?” Jyn groans from between her arms. “I’m an idiot. I don’t know how to deal with... with _this_.” She vaguely gestures over her head, before she risks glancing back up at Luke. “But I don't want to fuck it up. Some help? Please?”

“Wow, never thought I’d hear you say _‘please’_ . You really _are_ desperate.”

Jyn resists the urge of kicking his shin under the table. She’s trying to be _nice_ , after all. Instead, she settles for a medium glare.

Luke ignores it.

“So you want to hear my advice? Honestly? Communication,” he sings. “That’s key. Talk to _him_ , not me. Tell him what you feel, and nothing can go wrong. The nerd loves you, probably even more than his engineering lab. Hey. Jyn, look at me. Stop worrying, you got this.”

Even though, Jyn doesn’t trust herself entirely yet, she nods. He’s got a good point, after all.

“Thanks, Luke,” she says. “I needed that right now.”

“No worries. You'd do the same for me.”

She would. With the exception that Luke has better people skills than her and next to no hesitation in sharing his emotions, and therefore is less in need of advice.  

“ _'Thanks Luke’_ what? Hey, hon.” That moment Wedge walks up to their table. He greets Luke with a quick kiss, before occupying the chair next to him. Wedge grins. “What kind of heroics did you do now?”

Luke shrugs, his face the perfect display of casual lunch chatter. “Just mentioned a new pizza place. We should try it some time.”

“Aha.” Wedge raises an eyebrow, but thankfully he doesn't say anything else.

Jyn just looks down at her cold, overcooked vegetables rice, hoping it’ll help her think of the best approach to the whole mess.

***

Honestly? Jyn could think of better ways to spend her Friday evening than pacing around the apartment like a caged tiger. Many even.

Although none of them would make her feel much better.

Because, starting this conversation should be easy, right? Sex isn’t something she’s afraid of. It’s _wanting_ it what's new. Maybe, she wonders, that's what's thrown her off track. That, and that she's just not sure whether she trusts herself to go at it the right way this time.

She wants to talk to Bodhi, more than anything. To tell him about it and ask what to do. But at the same time, she doesn’t. What if she’s not sure? What if she’s misread her body’s signs and confused herself with the mess of feelings in her heart and brain? She doesn’t want to tell him _‘yes’_ to trying, only to take it back later. Down that path lies hurt for both of them, and that’s the last thing Jyn wants.

Her fingers curl around the top of the breakfast counter, knuckles turning white. It’s all such a damn mess.

Fuck, she doesn’t know if Bodhi even wants to change their relationship this way. Everything went well until now, after all. So what if he doesn’t? This morning could have been a mere natural reaction of his body. What if she’s the only one that wants to?

Or what if she doesn’t?

What if, what if, _what fucking if?_

She starts preparing herself by emptying a glass of the half-finished bottle of wine in the kitchen corner, tempted to go for second one, by the time she hears Bodhi clattering in the hallway, before coming into the kitchen. He looks at her for a moment, taking in the situation, and Jyn knows what he sees: Her, in a coffee powder stained shirt, bun a tousled mess, because she’d kept picking at it, and an empty wine glass in her hand.

 _'Well done, Jyn,’_ she thinks bitterly. _‘Great way to start.’_

Bodhi takes the empty glass from her, setting it down on the counter with a low clink.

“Something’s going on in there.” He taps a finger at her forehead, before tucking away one of the errand strands. “I can see it. Come here.”

It’s a request rather than a demand and she willingly lets herself being lead over to the couch where Bodhi urges her to sit down. She pulls up her legs onto the upholstery and leans into him. He puts his arm around her, lightly, so she can evade the touch should she want to.

She doesn’t.

“You’re somehow on edge since a few days, so... what’s going on?”

 _‘To hell with it,’_ Jyn decides. “I talked to Luke this morning…”

Bodhi nods. “I heard. About the pizza place? I overheard Wedge asking Luke about it. It’s the weekend tomorrow, we could get a couple DVDs and ask them over.”

From his overly conversational tone, she knows he isn't really talking about the imaginary pizza place. He's just trying to take some of her nervousness, to make her feel more at ease. It’s sweet and she appreciates it.

“It wasn’t about the pizza place,” Jyn says softly. Now with Bodhi in front of her, watching her with his patient smile, she can’t think of a right way to start.

“I guessed.” Bodhi’s hand rubs soothing circles into her shoulder. “You know you can talk to me, about anything, right?”

“Yeah, I know. It's… it's about us.”

A shadow of insecurity flickers over his face and Jyn immediately bites her tongue.

_‘Fuck, that came out wrong.’_

She hates to see that look on his face, even if it's only for the fraction of a second. The moment of panic jostles what little of a plan she’s had and she decides to let actions speak instead, shushing the voice that sounds suspiciously like Luke, saying _‘because that’s worked oh so well before.’_

She quickly rises to her knees, leaning over and cupping his face with her hands. “About this.”

At first she just lightly presses her lips to his, but it doesn’t take long until Bodhi responds and kisses her back, unable to resist.

“And what is ‘ _this’_ going to be?” he asks once they separate again, although still keeping close.  

Slowly, Jyn slides her leg over his, moving to straddle his lap and Bodhi sucks a sharp breath. She brushes her hand over his chest, feeling the warmth of his chest as well as the quickening of his heartbeat beneath her fingers. Feeling the starting strain of his pants and the quickening of his breath as he shifts on the couch, trying to hide it.

Before he can misunderstand and excuse himself again, Jyn decides to take the direct approach. She blinks up to meet his eyes, trying to convey as many of her thoughts as possible.

“I’d like to sleep with you, Bodhi. Can we?”

Bodhi doesn't say anything for a moment, but she can literally see his mind rattling. She tries to place his hands on her hips, when Bodhi startles into action again and stops her.

“Jyn, wait…”

He looks torn, lifting his hand off her hip and interlacing her fingers with his, holding it down onto the couch.  

“Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to,” he says quickly, “but… this feels so sudden. If it’s about this morning, I don’t want you to think that you ever _need_ to sleep with me because of expectations or because everyone does it or... or _whatever_ reason.” He pauses to brush a strand of hair out of her face to better look her in the eyes, gentle earnestness in his own. “I love you, and that won’t change, even if we never have sex. What you’re comfortable with is more important to me.”

His face, the expression in his eyes, the sincerity in his words — it makes her chest feel warm, heart fluttering with fondness.

“This is why I love you,” Jyn says. “You’re always so considerate, putting others first. But no, it’s not because of this morning or because of anything else.” She kisses him softly. “I want this with you, because it’s _you_. I wasn’t ready before, and I don’t think I’d be with someone else, but I’ve thought about it for a while now. I want to be closer to you, I want to feel you, all of you and I want us to take this step together. I want to sleep with you because I love you.”

Bodhi smiles, his eyes filled with warmth and affection. He tips his head forward, his thumb caressing her cheek as he presses a soft to her lips, not pulling back, lingering instead and leaning his forehead against Jyn’s.

“I love you, too. I just want to make everything right and not mess up what we have with some dumb move.”

The irony of it gets to Jyn and she chuckles. “It’s the same for me. You're the most important part of my life. I don't want to lose you because of a misunderstanding.

Bodhi jerks forward and kisses her more purposefully. “You won't, I promise.”

The following kiss is different than any they’ve shared, intense, desperate in a way that makes Jyn’s heart race. Each new kiss after that makes her feel less anxious and more excited, and, she realizes, she finally has her answer.

“Should we move this into the bedroom?” Bodhi asks when he breaks away for air. “I mean, if you really want to.”

“Yes, I _really_ want to. I want you.” Jyn tips forward to capture his lips again. She winks at him. “I thought we'd established that just now.”

Bodhi brushes his knuckles down the side of her face. “Just making sure.”

***

After the bedroom door has clicked shut, they continue taking off what’s left of the clothes that aren’t scattered on the hallway floor. Nimble fingers undoing hooks and buttons and pulling down zippers with ease, as if they’d done it many times before, leaving Jyn in only her undershirt and panties, Bodhi with nothing but his boxers.

Jyn uses the opportunity to let her eyes rake over his body. Taking in his toned chest, the surprisingly well defined abs considering he works out maybe once in a blue moon, the alluring trail of curled dark hair staring on his chest, leading down and down and finally vanishing under the waistband of his boxers...

It’s not that she’s never seen him like this, they’ve lived together for several years, after all. Occasionally crossing the apartment in their underwear was nothing new, although Luke’s supposedly comfortable boxers-poncho combination had taken both Jyn and Bodhi some time to get used to.

Now, however, she’s able to appreciate the appearance of Bodhi’s body in a different light, her fingers itching with the urge to trace its contours. To feel his warm, tan skin beneath her fingertips, wondering how he’d react, whether she could make him shiver with the same, new desire that is bubbling in her own chest.

“Like what you see?” When she looks up, there’s an amused sparkle in Bodhi’s eyes.

Biting her lip, Jyn smiles at him. “I do. Very much.”

“Come on,” he says, taking place on the bed and holding out his hand for Jyn to take. When she does, he carefully pulls her down to him, knees placed so she’s straddling his lap. Bodhi’s hands go around her waist while he places his lips on the pulse point of her neck, saying, “We’ll go at your pace, okay?”

Usually, she doesn’t like to give up control, giving herself over to someone else. It goes against her nature. It makes her feel too open, too vulnerable.

But this isn’t _just anyone._ This is Bodhi.

Bodhi, at whose side she’s woken up day after day for the past months. Her best friend with whom she’s fallen asleep on the couch more often than she can count after a long movie night. The one person she’s decided to let into her life and into her heart, with no barriers left between them. She willingly gives herself into his hands, knowing she’ll be safe there. He’ll know what to do, even when she doesn’t.   

Jyn curls her fingers into the hair at the base of his neck, pressing a short, but decisive kiss to his lips.

“No, you take the lead. I trust you. Completely.”

With a smile, Bodhi eases down onto the bed, taking Jyn with him. “It’s okay. I got you.”

He aligns them so they’re lying on their sides, his arms wrapping around Jyn from behind, chest flush against her back. She exhales deeply, he’s surrounding her, giving her the closeness she’s craved for days. Warm skin on warm skin with nothing there to separate them, just the feeling of their bodies wrapped around each other. Jyn leans her head against his shoulder and Bodhi starts pressing soft, open-mouthed kisses to the offered skin.

“Just relax,” he murmurs, and Jyn does.

Letting her body go slack, she gives herself fully over to him, allowing her anxieties to be washed away by his touch. Anchoring herself, Jyn reaches back, letting her hand slowly glide down Bodhi’s side. Touching his lean waist, the swell of his hip and the taut muscles leading toward his groin, she explores his body. All the while, Bodhi’s hands travel over her bare skin, stroking down her stomach and softly kissing along her neck. His lips caress the skin below her ear, gradually moving along her jaw and up to her cheek, and she feels his chest rise and fall with each breath.  

Bodhi’s hands are slightly calloused from working in the lab, from soldering and welding together delicate electronics, she’s known that before. But now, the same skilled fingers brush over the tender flesh of her thighs, tenderly but with precision behind each touch, instinctively knowing exactly how to make her shiver in anticipation, and Jyn presses her head further into the pillow, a low moan building in the back of her throat.

A gasp escapes her when his hand moves between her legs, starting to stroke over her panties. Caressing her through the thin fabric, slowly testing and always careful to let her adjust to every new touch. It sends a new wave of shivers down her spine, and Jyn is soon squirming against him, feeling heat as well as wetness spreading between her legs, soaking through her panties and making it near impossible to concentrate on anything other than his searing touch.

“Bodhi… please...” She pushes against his hand, a needier edge to her voice than she likes to admit, but right now Jyn can’t bring herself to care about it much. She just wants to feel him already. _Now_. “Hurry up?”

Bodhi chuckles and it reverberates against her back.

“Patience,” he says. “Let me make this nice for you.” But despite his words, he finally slips his fingers under the waistband of her panties, sliding along her hot skin as he tugs them over her hips, kissing down her back while moves to hook them out from her legs. He comes back up and her ass fits perfectly into the dip of Bodhi's hips when he drapes himself over her back again, his thighs against hers. “I’m going to... make you feel… real good,” he mouths against her neck.

Brushing over her inner thighs, he lets the tip of his finger slider over her core, thumb only barely brushing past her clit, and Jyn sucks in a sharp breath. _He’s close, so close._ Bodhi continues rubbing slow circles around her, causing her head and heart to spiral further into excitement, before he finally slips a finger inside, and she gasps loudly at the spark of electricity shooting through her body.

“You okay?” Bodhi’s breath is hot against Jyn’s ear as he whispers, a note of concern in his voice.  

Jyn shushes it by putting her hand on top of his, holding his fingers right where they are, encouraging him to continue. “Yeah, I am... Keep going.”

Slowly, he presses his finger in deeper, giving her time to adjust before adding a second one, all while his thumb continues rubbing gentle, but _maddening_ circles on her clit. It doesn’t take long to find an easy rhythm, slowly pumping in and out and just as slowly driving her _insane_. Languid strokes that cause wanton moans to spill from Jyn’s lips like dew pearling down a blade of grass.

His fingers carefully curl inside her, searching, seeking, and Jyn arches her back, one hand fisting into the bedsheet above her head, the other grasping at his hip in a desperate need to hold on to something while she presses against his hand, chasing the delicious friction. His fingers brush over the perfect spot and she keens at the sensation. It feels so much better than when she’d tried it herself. So, _so_ much better.

“ _Shh_ , I got you,” Bodhi says again, his voice a soothing tone. “I’m here.” He keeps on kissing her neck, his lips soft against her skin, moist as his breath streams hotly over her. “Is this good?” he murmurs, not pausing his attention to her body.  

“Very…” Jyn turns around to capture his lips with hers. “You’re amazing,” she mutters against his mouth. “Even better than I imagined.”

“Oh… What did you imagine?”

“Just, your hands on me,” she admits, “Touching me...” Hearing how Bodhi’s breath catches, Jyn realizes what she’s just done, that her words get to him nearly as much as his fingers are to her. An opportunity she can’t pass up, making immediate use of the newly gained knowledge. She presses further against his fingers. “I’d dream about your hands on my skin when you held me at night, about what it would feel like if you touched me more, to have you in me…”  

His curse is muffled by her own neck and Jyn feels the hardness of Bodhi's arousal against her backside. His hips jerk a little as he fights the urge to grind against her.

“Do you even know what you’re doing to me?”

She knows. Oh, she does. Because is the exact same feeling that’s coursing through her. Feeling wanted, _desired_ , by the one she loves.

Jyn reaches behind and slides her hand down Bodhi's boxers, slipping inside to wrap her fingers delicately around his hardening cock, slowly starting to stroke its shaft, adding little twists from her wrist that make him push his fingers even deeper into her. Bodhi gasps into the crook of her neck. It dissolves into a wanton moan as he presses his face even more against her skin, voice nothing more than a breathy rasp.

“ _Jyn…_ ”

She turns her head over her shoulder, panting, too, since he's still pumping his fingers in and out in a rhythm that nearly makes her head spin.

“I know. The same you do to me,” Jyn says, and presses her mouth to Bodhi’s. His lips are soft and already a little kiss-swollen, and the kiss feels even more intense with his fingers still working on her as he returns the kiss.

Bodhi then gradually picks up speed, moving his fingers in a quicker pace. He presses inside deeper, focusing all his attention on the one spot that makes her see stars while his thumb continues circling her clit, leaving Jyn a writhing, panting mess, unable to do much more that pant for air and rock against his hand. Her stomach coils up more and more, burning heat spreading through her limbs while pleasure continues building up until she can’t stand it anymore.   

A bitten-off cry escapes her, and then the world around her explodes with colors. Her whole body trembles in his arms and she keeps pulsing around his fingers as he continues stroking her throughout her orgasm. Only slowly her senses come back to her as her surroundings come back into focus.

“Do you want to keep going?” Bodhi murmurs into the crook of her neck, his arms still wrapped around her from when he’d held tight her while her climax washed over her.

Jyn turns in his embrace, slowly rolling on top of him, her breathing still hard and ragged. With her chest flush against Bodhi’s she can feel his heart beating against her own and she revels in the feeling of their joint heartbeats. She tips up her chin, playfully nipping at his lip, before she looks up at him through long lashes and lets a smirk flicker over her face. Then her hand goes down to cup him through his boxers again, earning her the sweetest little moan.

She never expected to end up here, with him, but she’s glad. Glad for everything that lead them here. It feels so good to share this kind of intimacy with him, when they already share so much else together. Jyn buries her hands in his hair, her nails lightly scraping over his skull as she brings their foreheads together. But right now, she wants nothing more than to see him come undone by her hands,

“Yeah. Let me make you to feel good, too.”

Bodhi smiles, pressing his lips to Jyn's briefly before pulling back, if only for a moment to get rid of his bothersome underwear. He produces a condom from somewhere in his nightstand, losing no time in putting it on, before he’s back and Jyn moves to straddle him again. One of his hands cups her neck, gently pulling her down to him for their mouths to meet, while his other guides himself into her. She’s already open and wet enough from his fingers, and Jyn gasps into his mouth as he fills her.

_They’re so close. Together._

“You good?” Bodhi looks up at her, a smile on his lips and awe in his eyes, and Jyn nods, sure of the stupidly happy smile on her own face. He bites his lip, bright white on plush red, mesmerizing, even in the dim light. “You look beautiful like this. You always do,” he whispers, as if afraid the words could lose their meaning should he say them too loud, and Jyn can’t but dive down and kiss him again.

Her hands glide over his shoulders, wrapping around his neck, and their noses bump together in the urgentness of the kiss. One of Bodhi’s hands moves to her back, tracing down the curve of Jyn’s spine, pressing them closer together. Close enough that she can feel the heaving of his chest against her as he gasps for air and she feels like her body melts into his.

Bodhi’s lips leave her mouth only to nuzzle kisses into her neck and the familiar rough scratch of his beard has a new, intoxicating thrill to it. She can’t get enough of it.

“Jyn...” Bodhi kisses her throughout their lovemaking, between whispered encouragements as he lifts up his hip and thrusts into her, reaching deeper than his or her own fingers ever went. It makes her arch her back, trying to meet him in his movements, a string of desperate moans spilling from her lips. “You're doing so good, my love”

“And you feel good, Bo,” she breathes out, leaning down to kiss him. “ _So good_ …”

Jyn moves her hips forward to meet his thrusts as he gently but consistently rocks up into her, easily finding a steady rhythm together. She throws her head back, exposing the column of her throat and Bodhi presses one needy, open-mouthed kisses after another against her skin, making her gasp each time. Jyn leans down again, pressing her cheek to Bodhi’s, noses rubbing past one another as she tries to meet his mouth, derailed only by both of them breathing hard and trying to take in as much of the other as they can.

She can feel the heat in her stomach coiling up again, feeling high of the sensation, intoxicated by it as Bodhi continues to mutter praises and affections, his hands roaming over the curve of her back. Then her muscles start clenching around him again, and the last thing she hears is Bodhi's breathy “I love you” rasped into her ear, before the second wave of white noise washes over her and takes her away. It feels like she’s falling apart, and Jyn arches her back in pleasure, only barely aware of the sounds she makes.

It doesn't take much for Bodhi to follow her over the edge. He's been biting his lip to keep from coming whenever his mouth wasn’t on her. Only one, two more sharper thrusts and his body is shaking beneath her, trembling as he holds on to her throughout the aftershocks of is own peak, arms tightening around her shoulders in a desperate hug, pressing her as close to him as possible.

Afterward, lying in his arms and wrapped up in one another, she feels deliciously boneless. Comfortable. At peace, somehow. Sex could feel amazing — with the right person.

Jyn looks up at Bodhi’s face. “I’m glad it’s you.” She reaches up and caresses his still flushed cheek. He leans into the touch, humming contently. She grins at him. “You know, maybe I should send Han a thank-you card? For spiking last year’s punch and giving you a little extra courage.”

Bodhi groans and pulls her closer. “Don’t you dare. He’d photocopy the damn thing and plaster the whole cantina with it. Who knows, maybe he even still has some pictures to go with it.”

“I wouldn’t mind. You looked cute that night.” Jyn rolls back on top of him so they’re face to face, Bodhi’s arms resting casually on her back. “You know, I remember all of it. Your little stutter and the flushed cheeks when you asked me out...”

“It was the alcohol,” Bodhi says, a small pout on his lips, mixing nicely with the faint blush dusting his cheeks. Just like back then.

“It wasn’t,” Jyn counters with a smile. She tips up her chin and presses a kiss to the curve of his pouting mouth. “But that’s why I said yes. You’re braver than me. I didn’t know what to say so I kept my mouth shut like an idiot.”

“I didn’t know what to say, either…”

“But you did it anyway. And look where we are now.” Jyn brushes a hand over his face, reveling in the relaxing touch of his hands on her back. “We’re here, and I wouldn’t change that for anything.

Bodhi kisses her for an answer. “Even if you didn’t say anything, I’m still proud of you. We’re here because we were brave together.”  

***

It’s way before dawn when Jyn wakes again.

Yesterday, before they’d fallen asleep, Bodhi had gotten a washcloth to get themselves cleaned up. Now he’s curled up under her arm, still asleep and breathing softly against her chest.

She is combing her fingers through his tousled hair, careful not to wake him, when she hears her cell phone buzz. It’s still in her pants pocket on the floor and she needs to stretch to get it. Bodhi mumbles something incoherently, but seems to be content once she’s back at his side, judging by the pleased noise coming from him.

Jyn opens her phone, Luke’s name flashing at the top of the messages notifications.

> **< hey, how’d go? you talked about the ‘pizza place’?  >**

She looks over to Bodhi. He snuffles closer, his feet tangling with her as he seems to be slowly waking, and she smiles as she types back.

> _ < hmm yes > _
> 
> **< and?  >**
> 
> _ < it went… well ;) > _
> 
> **< well** — **? oh. ooh. >**
> 
> _ < stop grinning > _
> 
> **< am not  >**
> 
> _ < are too. you guys wanna come over tonight? > _
> 
> **< we’ll be there at 8  >**

Closing her messages, Jyn notices Bodhi shuffling about more. She lowers the phone and brushes her hand over his head.

“Hey,” she says softly. “You awake yet?”

Bodhi slowly wraps his arm around her waist, blinking up. He looks endearingly rumpled, sleep crinkles on his face and moring stubble on his cheeks.

“Barely... Mornin’,” he mumbles, sounding like he’s still half asleep.

“Morning, Bo.” His eyes fall on her phone and he raises an eyebrow. “Movie night today,” Jyn explains, putting it away on her nightstand and shifting her attention back on him.  

“Hm, good.” Bodhi rubs a hand over his face in an attempt to chase away sleep, but barely suppressing a yawn. “What time ‘s it?”

“Too early,” Jyn says. The sun isn’t even peeking through the blinds yet and so she settles back down under the covers, her face on level with Bodhi’s, their foreheads touching. “Wanna go back to sleep?” she asks.

“With you?” Bodhi tips his chin forward and presses a soft kiss to her lips. “Any time.”

 


End file.
